~*A lesson about Ramadan in prison*~

Ramadan is always a special time of the year. Even in prison. Although I was separated from sisters throughout my incarceration, we still managed to see each other often alhamdulillah. The benefit of being around practising sisters is something we can easily take for granted on the outside.

In terms of our food intake, we were given a pack of dates at the start of the month. Instead of being given lunch and dinner, we were given a box that contained our iftar meal and a bag with our lunch- which we would have for suhoor.

The lunch bag would contain a sandwich (e.g. a slice of cheese in two pieces of bread), a fruit, a portion of cereal and a small carton of milk.

For iftar, we would be given prison food in prison portions- by that I’m referring to Holloway in particular. In the beginning, the sisters found it really tough. We’d be fasting the whole day not knowing what we’d be given for iftar, only to be given food (often cold) that was so off-putting that we sometimes were not able to eat any of it at all. The sisters would complain about a number of issues with the food that we were given.

In prison, every jumu’ah, all the sisters would be collected by officers and taken to a room in the church that was specifically for Muslims- known by us as our prayer room. I remember one jumu’ah, during Ramadan, a sister gave a speech which moved us all. She taught us about gratitude and that we should be happy that Allah had blessed us with food in the first place. Subhan Allah. She was right. We were truly blessed. There are people in the world who are stricken with poverty and do not even have clean water to drink. Yet there are still people in the world that choose to fast, despite their poor circumstances.

This talk really affected us all... to the point that all of us sisters decided to take a u-turn. Since that day, none of us made a single complaint about the food Allah had blessed us with. If anyone would ask any of the sisters about whether they had liked their iftar yesterday, the sister would respond saying “alhamdulillah” with a big smile on her face.

Wallahi, since that day, for every iftar for the rest of Ramadan, we received delicious, filling food. Wallahi I was amazed. Subhan Allah.

Allah Says, "If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]" 
[Surah Ibrahim 14:7]

I swear by Allah, this is true. I wanted to share this experience in hopes that we all start to appreciate the blessings we have. If we are unhappy with the lack of something in our life, let’s be thankful to Allah that we have something in the first place. Perhaps by that sincere gratitude, Allah will increase us in what we thought we had a lack of.

Alhamdulillah for everything.

~*My experience: Why you should donate to Muslim prisoners*~

I want to share this experience with the hope that you would look to your purse and donate a small amount to a Muslim prisoner.

In prison, we were restricted in regards to the amount of money we were allowed to spend every week. As I was (strangely) a “high-risk” prisoner, I wasn’t allowed to claim my enhancement level and remained at “standard”. This meant that I could spend no more than £15.50 a week.

With that money, I would have to buy plenty of drinks. I would also have to buy food (as that was extremely limited in Holloway), phone credit and anything else that was necessary- such as batteries, or flip flops or clothes. In prison, you can only buy from the list that you’re given. The prices of every item are set at the RRP price. For some reason, I always felt like it was even more than the actual RRP price itself.

So my weekly groceries would be 2 or 3 bottles of drinks, phone credit (to try and speak to family at least 5 mins every day), a packet of bourbon biscuits and Vaseline (or floss, or batteries, or hair clips- whichever is most necessary). Alhamdulillah.

During Ramadan, I received the most shocking news that I ever heard in my life. I had spoken to my mother on the phone who frantically told me that my dad was rushed to the hospital for breathing problems and extreme stomach pain. Following a CT scan, they had discovered a hole in my dad’s stomach. Subhan Allah. I don’t have much knowledge on illnesses so this was the first time that I had heard of such a thing. Wallahi my heart was shattered. I just wanted to run out of the prison to be there for my dad. This was the first time I couldn’t attend the hospital with him. And it was the hardest.

I was then locked up in my cell- as usual. As I was a “high-risk” prisoner (anyone convicted under TACT is automatically considered high-risk), I wasn’t allowed to share rooms with anyone. So on average, I’d spend at least 22 hours a day, alone.

But being locked up that day and night was the most difficult thing I ever experienced. Every moment, I wondered what my dad was going through- if he was okay. I did not stop making du’aa’. I would make du’aa’ non-stop. I didn’t care what I was getting for iftar that night (as I normally would wonder about that)- I just wanted to know if my dad was okay. The officers, of course, wouldn’t let me call my family to find out anything. On the contrary, they took my sister's number off me to tell her that if any “news” came- for her to tell them first and not me. They said this to me many times and each time, I deliberately turned deaf to what they said.

I [B]knew[/B] that Allah is Al Mujeeb. He is the Reliever of distress. He Says, “Be” and it is. And I believed that with all my heart. As I sat on my metal bed, I did not stop making du’aa’. It was the only thing I could do. When I wasn’t making du’aa’, I was praying. When I wasn’t praying, I was making du’aa’. The only time that I would pause in supplicating was when I started to find it difficult to breath. I’d pause, use my inhaler (completely forgetting that I may potentially be breaking my fast this way), and would then start to make du’aa’ again.

My heart was just torn. Especially knowing that I couldn’t be there by my dad. My dad just wanted to see me and wanted me home. What if I’ll never see him again? I couldn’t even fathom the thought.  I knew the prison wouldn’t let me visit my dad at all since they had refused my tag and didn’t release me earlier as I was considered to be a “high risk”. Ya Allah. For the crime of downloading AQ magazines.

Wallahi, I believed that Allah will grant me good news. I had extreme high hopes.

The next morning, as soon as I was unlocked to collect breakfast, I ran to the phone. I called my family and asked about my dad. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah it was good news. They identified the problem and offered treatment for it. Allahu akbar. I cannot express the relief and happiness I felt. Alhamdulillah.

There’s a particular reason why I’m mentioning this, though. The moment when I had heard about my dad’s illness, before I was locked in again, I managed to speak to my dad on the phone. He asked how I was and subhan Allah, even in that condition, he asked me if I needed any money. Ya Allah. May Allah bless our fathers. Even if I did need money, I would prefer living on water than to ask my dad for money with him being in that condition. But alhamdulillah, I really and truly didn’t need a penny from my dad. Do you know why? Because someone had donated £60 to me to spend for Ramadan.

The person who donated that money wasn’t a well-known organisation. He didn’t have a big name. But in my view, he was worth a hundred of them. (Wa la uzakee ‘al Allahi ahada). He didn’t only send money to me, but he’d sent some to my other beloved sisters in prison too. None of us had asked him for a penny. We would never do that. But this brother couldn’t help but shine in times of hardship. May Allah reward him abundantly.

This is how the money he gave helped me. It enabled me to buy drinks and cereal and/or biscuits for Ramadan.

Allah Knows how much his donations helped my other sisters in prison.

I encourage myself and others to find it in our hearts to donate to a Muslim prisoner this Ramadan.  They are our brothers and sisters living amongst us in conditions that the Chancellor of the Exchequer himself described (though indirectly), as inhumane... Hence the recent closure of Holloway, for example.

May Allah guide us, forgive us and purify our hearts. May He enable us to do good deeds so that we may be nearer to Him in Jannah, ameen.

Take advantage of opportunities

Just thought I’d share this as a reminder for myself and for you… 😊

When I first discovered my faith I was eager to put it into practice. I wanted to apply everything I had learnt into my life. It was easy yet hard at times but my path was always clear. If I was confused about something, I’d read up on it. I’d ask students of knowledge or du’at for answers to my thousand and one queries. I’d be present in the company of practicing sisters and would occasionally seek a boost in emaan via lectures/Qur’an and even anashid. I’d be surrounded by a community of Muslims, keeping up with all the local events. Following Islam was simple and straightforward.

But there was something I was never quite educated on; what would happen if all of these things were taken away? If I no longer had access to Islamic texts, writings or articles. If I no longer had access to any articles, in fact. What would happen if I’d be surrounded by kuffar (non Muslims), if I had to live by their side, wake up with them, eat with them, share the shower with them and so on. If they were my only source of human company. What’d happen if I didn’t have a single practicing sister around? If I didn’t have that heart to lean on and couldn’t seek sincere advice when my emaan would shake? If I was surrounded by profane speech and oppressive officers?

What if the only material aspects of my faith I had left was my hijab, my mushaf and prayer mat? What if the only One left for me to confide in, seek support and sustenance from was none other than Allah?

This is the reality of prison, brothers and sisters. It’s hyperbolised to being a place that has many means of increasing ones emaan. The reality is, such means are minimalised but are nonetheless extremely powerful. Prisoners often say “Hasbun Allahu wa ni’mal wa keel” and they really mean it. For there is none other than Allah who could assist them in their daily and nightly needs and worries.

I’m sharing this so that you may start to appreciate the gifts you’re surrounded by. Wallahi, that sister you have or that brother you know that reminds you of Allah and is pleasant to be around is a HUGE blessing. The fact that you’re living with your loved ones is itself, a big blessing. The fact that you have so many opportunities to learn this religion, to study its facets- even in depth, is wallahi such a huge blessing. If you can volunteer to do charitable acts or if you could work and donate a portion of your income to the needy, you have been blessed. You are literally dwelling in a gold mine of opportunities. You’ve been given so many means via which you could seek to attain the pleasure of Allah. Don’t take these opportunities for granted for they can be taken away.

Although prison is as I stated above, Allah, al-Fattah can still grant us opportunities in there, alhamdulillah. In addition, Allah blessed me with the (eventual) company of sisters whom my eyes long to meet again. They are the most beautiful people I know and I can honestly say, I have never met the likes of them in my life so far. May Allah protect them and their families.

Allahumma afrij ‘anh li jamee’ al mu’taqaleen fi kulli makaan